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Literature Text
Trevor Clark was the best snow boarder of all of his friends. Too bad it would never get him anywhere. Right now he was on summer break, doing what he loved most: snowboarding.
He was getting ready to go down the double black diamond; no one was there except a 15 year old girl with matching pink and purple gear.
He set off and so did she. She seemed to be concentrating and making strange motions with her hands.
Near the bottom of the slope the snow underneath him became very icy, like he was ice boarding and not snowboarding.
Then he slipped and skidded into the girl's path. He managed to hold onto the steep slope and she flew into the air, using him as ramp. When she landed she swerved around and stopped.
The girl reached up and took off her helmet, letting her beautiful light brown hair which faded into sun streaks fall free. Her eyes met his and she froze. He slowly stood up and she smiled dreamily.
"S-sorry." She blushed, "I was going too fast to stop…are you okay?"
He nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Want to go get some hot chocolate?"
She smiled brightly and they made their way back to the ski lodge, talking about snowboarding, school, and hobbies.
He brought her to the small café in the ski lodge, it was nice little place, warm and cozy with a great view. He bought them both hot chocolate and they talked more.
"So, where do you go to school?" Trevor asked her as they sat down, hot cocoa in hand.
"Oh…" The girl said, "I was homeschooled."
Trevor smiled, "That's cool. When did you learn how to snowboard like that? You were amazing!" but he added, "Even though you ran me over." under his breath.
The girl just grinned, "I guess it's a natural talent!", while taking a sip of her hot cocoa.
They sat and talked as the time passed by and the café cleared out. Soon, they were the only people there.
But half way through their conversation a limo pulled up and a girl with short, ruffled cinnamon hair got out, she looked around, saw them and stomped toward them.
"Did you forget about our plans?" The girl snapped as she walked through the door, slamming it shut.
Trevor looked between the cinnamon haired girl and the pretty girl.
The pretty girl blinked, looking innocent, "What plans?"
"We all fly to the closest airport, and we all got there and guess whose plane hadn't left the US yet?"
"Darn that girl, she forgot again? Tina needs to get a schedule." The pretty girl shook her head.
The cinnamon haired girl looked confused, "Alex I was talking about you!"
"What?" Her eyes widened, "Impossible, I was going to leave tomorrow, on the 18th."
"Today's the 18th."
"Really? Hmm. I suppose my calendar's evil." She shrugged, "You can't fight an evil calendar."
"Come on let's go." The cinnamon haired girl sighed before she turned and began walking away but stopped and looked back, "Come on!"
The pretty girl smiled at Trevor. He stood up, "Can I have your number?"
The cinnamon haired girl was stomping out the door when she yelled again, "Can you hurry it up?! We have to go!"
"Sure!" She looked for a pen and then grabbed her napkin; she scratched down her number and handed it to him.
The cinnamon haired girl was already at the limo, leaning out the limo door, "ALEXANDRA M!"
Trevor gasped, "You're Alexandra? M? The multi billionaire?"
The girl before him smiled, "I also write great kids books."
He nodded, "You are amazing! I love you! You're the perfect girl!"
She blushed, "You really think so?"
"You are pretty and accomplished!" He hugged her and leaned into her, their lips locked.
He was getting ready to go down the double black diamond; no one was there except a 15 year old girl with matching pink and purple gear.
He set off and so did she. She seemed to be concentrating and making strange motions with her hands.
Near the bottom of the slope the snow underneath him became very icy, like he was ice boarding and not snowboarding.
Then he slipped and skidded into the girl's path. He managed to hold onto the steep slope and she flew into the air, using him as ramp. When she landed she swerved around and stopped.
The girl reached up and took off her helmet, letting her beautiful light brown hair which faded into sun streaks fall free. Her eyes met his and she froze. He slowly stood up and she smiled dreamily.
"S-sorry." She blushed, "I was going too fast to stop…are you okay?"
He nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Want to go get some hot chocolate?"
She smiled brightly and they made their way back to the ski lodge, talking about snowboarding, school, and hobbies.
He brought her to the small café in the ski lodge, it was nice little place, warm and cozy with a great view. He bought them both hot chocolate and they talked more.
"So, where do you go to school?" Trevor asked her as they sat down, hot cocoa in hand.
"Oh…" The girl said, "I was homeschooled."
Trevor smiled, "That's cool. When did you learn how to snowboard like that? You were amazing!" but he added, "Even though you ran me over." under his breath.
The girl just grinned, "I guess it's a natural talent!", while taking a sip of her hot cocoa.
They sat and talked as the time passed by and the café cleared out. Soon, they were the only people there.
But half way through their conversation a limo pulled up and a girl with short, ruffled cinnamon hair got out, she looked around, saw them and stomped toward them.
"Did you forget about our plans?" The girl snapped as she walked through the door, slamming it shut.
Trevor looked between the cinnamon haired girl and the pretty girl.
The pretty girl blinked, looking innocent, "What plans?"
"We all fly to the closest airport, and we all got there and guess whose plane hadn't left the US yet?"
"Darn that girl, she forgot again? Tina needs to get a schedule." The pretty girl shook her head.
The cinnamon haired girl looked confused, "Alex I was talking about you!"
"What?" Her eyes widened, "Impossible, I was going to leave tomorrow, on the 18th."
"Today's the 18th."
"Really? Hmm. I suppose my calendar's evil." She shrugged, "You can't fight an evil calendar."
"Come on let's go." The cinnamon haired girl sighed before she turned and began walking away but stopped and looked back, "Come on!"
The pretty girl smiled at Trevor. He stood up, "Can I have your number?"
The cinnamon haired girl was stomping out the door when she yelled again, "Can you hurry it up?! We have to go!"
"Sure!" She looked for a pen and then grabbed her napkin; she scratched down her number and handed it to him.
The cinnamon haired girl was already at the limo, leaning out the limo door, "ALEXANDRA M!"
Trevor gasped, "You're Alexandra? M? The multi billionaire?"
The girl before him smiled, "I also write great kids books."
He nodded, "You are amazing! I love you! You're the perfect girl!"
She blushed, "You really think so?"
"You are pretty and accomplished!" He hugged her and leaned into her, their lips locked.
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This is part five of the prologue.
Check out the rest of the story:
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Comments3
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Okay this one has a good start with their meeting, Trevor seems to be a nice, free spirited, kind and honest man even when he feels he done nothing or people say bad things about him. Alex has a very sunny and warm disposition with a kind of oh did i do that sorry innocents making them a good pair.
My suggestion is like with Chloe and Erika's stories you add a little more detail and emotion to this story. When I read the beginning I was wondering what she doing with her hands and how did the snow turn to ice that caused the accident in the first place? Was she trying to get his attention or was she doing something else maybe trying to impress someone or test a new move? Then as I read I noticed they have common interest like snowboarding, school and hobbies but what do they like about these things that make them interest.
I like the cute jokes between the two it really makes you feel they are connecting. The young women who comes in yelling or scowling at Alex from what I see is a little more aggressive and spunky making her an interesting twist to the situation though as a reader I am wondering hmm what her connection to Alex other then Alex being late what were their plans? And why did she have to come all the way to the US to get her? I also like how you play on Trevor's interest in Alex. However from my perspective I see this sudden love interest spark up without any real leading moments to it. The interest start the conversation but outside that what else draws them to one another, why does he suddenly kiss her and if he thinks she so great as a reader how do we know he not trying to just get with her for her fame or money?
As I have said you have wonderful story structure just a few details are missing to connect the people in some aspects, you have a great sense of character and settings so keep that up, just add some leading details to get the reader to see where this is going. I am merely suggesting what you do with the suggestions is up to you. Great job keep up the good work.
My suggestion is like with Chloe and Erika's stories you add a little more detail and emotion to this story. When I read the beginning I was wondering what she doing with her hands and how did the snow turn to ice that caused the accident in the first place? Was she trying to get his attention or was she doing something else maybe trying to impress someone or test a new move? Then as I read I noticed they have common interest like snowboarding, school and hobbies but what do they like about these things that make them interest.
I like the cute jokes between the two it really makes you feel they are connecting. The young women who comes in yelling or scowling at Alex from what I see is a little more aggressive and spunky making her an interesting twist to the situation though as a reader I am wondering hmm what her connection to Alex other then Alex being late what were their plans? And why did she have to come all the way to the US to get her? I also like how you play on Trevor's interest in Alex. However from my perspective I see this sudden love interest spark up without any real leading moments to it. The interest start the conversation but outside that what else draws them to one another, why does he suddenly kiss her and if he thinks she so great as a reader how do we know he not trying to just get with her for her fame or money?
As I have said you have wonderful story structure just a few details are missing to connect the people in some aspects, you have a great sense of character and settings so keep that up, just add some leading details to get the reader to see where this is going. I am merely suggesting what you do with the suggestions is up to you. Great job keep up the good work.